Ignorance beyond the barrier
by ichigo711
Summary: Aoi is pregnant with her second child. The news is something Tokiomi never expected to hear. A look into what may have happened on the night when Aoi learned she was pregnant with Sakura. Heavy angst warning!


_Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Zero or any of its characters. All credit for the characters and situations goes to the rightful owners. The only thing I own is this story._

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Ignorance beyond the barrier

.

Tokiomi's ears rung in the silence.

Aoi looked on anxiously, waiting for a response, a reaction. Anything.

At the moment, Tokiomi couldn't even breathe. He sat ridged, unmoving, with his eyes wide open in pure terror. Aoi was… Pregnant?

He hadn't yet told her. How could he? He hadn't specifically told her why it was they took special precautions after their first child, Rin, was born. What woman wants to hear to a magi could only have one heir? What mother wants to know… that she was allowed only one child? One child to be blessed with the family magic. One child to suffer the fate of a magi their whole life.

But Tokiomi knew, and when he finally moved, his whole body fell to violent tremors and he hung his head. Eyes still painfully wide, and face gone completely ghost white.

Aoi became incredibly worried when she heard her husband taking shaking, ragged breathes. He looked as if he were having a heart attack. "dear-" She reached out to tentatively touch his shoulder, but upon contact he immediately withdrew, jerking away from her as if scared. She flinched, retracting her hand, and looked down at the floor, tears welling in her eyes. "You… Aren't pleased with the news?"

He had to say something. Tokiomi was in enough shock for almost any behavior from him to be excused, but he had to say something. Aoi needed him. Tokiomi pushed himself up out of his chair with the weight of the world pressing against him. He held fast to the back of the chair and assumed a wide stance, very unlike his normally elegant posture, to steady himself. "This can't-" He tried to croak out an explanation but he knew the whole world had just shattered and crashed down to his feet.

In an instant, Aoi understood. She remembered back when she was with the Zenjou, and her elders tried to tell her about such situations. "_A magi can only have one heir to carry on the family magic_" They served her the information slowly, and she never truly understood what they had meant until now. They had after all, explained it in such an elusive way. Everyone was that way around her. They treated her like a delicate, frail object. The way they all tiptoed around her, perhaps they thought the smallest nudge would cause her to shatter. She was definitely delicate, but she knew she had to be resilient to serve as the wife of a magi. Now more than ever, she knew. Because they didn't mean that you would choose a child to inherit the magic, or let one take charge while the other stepped down. They meant that no magi could have more than one child.

"I know." She saved him the trouble of explaining. He looked up at her, not knowing what to expect. He got more than he could handle. Aoi had tears streaming down her face, but she smiled at him radiantly. Miniscule tear drops flecked off of her long graceful eyelashes onto his face as she tried to be strong. "I know. It's okay, We'll… We'll figure something out."

All was silent for a moment before, with a spot of false hope Aoi asked. "Is there no way that…?"

Tokiomi responded without even having to think about it. Already knowing the concrete answer. "No. There is absolutely no way."

Quiet. Quiet. Then Aoi let out one choked sob.

Tokiomi watched his grieving wife, more beautiful than she had ever been, and he couldn't contain the anger that boiled up inside him. Suddenly, he felt deathly violent. Curse. Curse whoever thought things had to be like this! Curse the Grail and the havoc it wreaks! Curse the child, and the mother and the father! CURSE, CURSE, CURSE IT ALL! Everything was painted a bloody red as Tokiomi's gaze wavered frantically around the room.

He didn't notice Aoi, trying to comfort him. She held his hand to her abdomen in a gesture to try to calm him down. To try to get him to realize that there was nothing they could do now, so maybe worrying was pointless.

The walls were red, the décor was red… Aoi was painted red. The warmth of her under his hand triggered memories of not long ago, when Aoi was pregnant with Rin, and he would put his hand on her stomach with every chance he got to feel every kick, hiccup, and struggle that the unborn miracle had to offer. But this wasn't a miracle. This one was a curse. The ghost of the feeling of Rin being inside of Aoi ticked through Tokiomi's mind, and he violently pulled his hand away from her, almost causing her to lose her balance and topple over.

She knew they were beyond saving. She wished she could do something, but only watched as Tokiomi stomped away to his study, smashing a crystal vase on the way. One hand dripped heavily with fresh blood, and he clasped his hands, one still full of crystal shards, to his face in a last ditch attempt to control himself. He failed. The yell he let out was animalistic. Almost demonic. His blood splashed the room in droplets of red, as he flung his arm away from his face. Small specks of it covered Aoi's cheek, the way her own tears had dotted his face earlier.

And that was the last she saw of him for then. The door to his study slammed and there was a click signaling he had locked it.

Her tears streaked the blood down her face as she crumpled to the floor and could only quietly sob by herself.

.-.-.-

Tokiomi could just barely hear her sniffles and sobs, but it was enough. He had heard enough! He quickly evoked a powerful sound blocking barrier to surround the room. He leaned limply back against a wall and caught his breath. He gritted his teeth. Aoi would be fine. He knew she was strong enough to deal with it. She didn't need his help, What could he possibly do for her at this point? No. She would deal with it…

He used his uninjured hand to pull a few lodged crystal shards from his other hand, and then from his face. When a particularly large chunk was removed from his brow, he felt the hot liquid flowing down his face. He held out a hand, and watched as the clear liquid fell into it. Clear, not red.

He whimpered first, one long agonized sound from deep in his throat, then violently cried. So hard he could hardly breathe. He sank to the floor and clutched himself desperately as he cried and wailed and cursed like he never had before. The sorrow consumed his body and spirit as his magic barrier consumed his raw screams, letting everyone's ears beyond those walls fall deaf to his pain. No one on the outside knew he had broken.

Save one. Aoi probably knew he was crying. After all, she was strong. She could find a way to deal with it. But he doubted he ever could.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N: So I… *clears throat* I kind of had some Tokiomi Tohsaka feels today. Kind of a lot of them actually.

I've been really scared to write Fate/Zero fics in fear of not doing it justice, but hopefully I am skilled enough now for this to be acceptable. I'm deeply sorry for any OOC, or clashes with the storyline from the Light Novel. I haven't yet read the LN, so I don't know everything beyond the anime.


End file.
